The road to hip-da-dip!!!
Yes, it is the Percocet talking!
January 4th, Katrina and I set out on our road trip to
Columbia. Not the country, but the city
in Missouri. I would have rather been
going to the country! My surgery wasn’t
until Friday 0600, but it was a 2.5 hour drive.
I had to stop drinking and eating at midnight. Driving 2.5 hours at 0400 with a 19 year old
without eating or drinking, uh no, not happening. That meant no coffee either. I can’t go without coffee first thing in the
morning. So, we got a hotel.
Before going to the hotel we did the normal thing we do when
we go out of town, we ate out. Texas
Roadhouse was the restaurant of choice. I needed fried pickles!! Well, we pigged out and headed off to our
other place to go when we get to a “real” city, the mall. Katrina did her usual go nutso thing. Me, I went to the bookstore and bought a
book. Imagine that.
The hotel was fun. I
drank as much juice, water and coffee I could before midnight. The beds were extra comfy. I woke at 0515 and showered and got ready to
go. It was D-day!! Time to fix the hitch in my giddy-up.
Check in procedures was normal. The Orthopedic Center looks like an office
building, not a hospital. We checked in
and answered and whole bunch of questions.
I was assigned number 499…this is important. Katrina had to watch the video screen which
updated patient’s status by their assigned number. Hey, they called my name. Time to get fixed…well sort of.
The first thing is a pregnancy test. For real!!!
If anyone knows me, I am definitely not pregnant. I gave them a present in a cup that proved my
point. They gave me an IV and start
pushing the juice! The first was two
pills, little pink ones. I didn’t ask
what they were because the nurse who gave them to me rendered me speechless. I know that is an uncommon occurrence. Anyways, she said it was Percocet, straight
up Percocet. I just looked at her and
said, “Yes ma’am.” She only gave me a
sip of water with it though and damn, I was thirsty. That was followed by the first bag of
something stronger! By the time the anesthesiologist came in I was in a “happy”
state.
The anesthesiologist was a hoot. He looked like some folks Mom would hang out
with. He came in to give me a nerve
block in my hip. He let the kid watch on
the ultrasound machine thingy. She said
the conversation went like this:
Me: Woo, you want to
dance?
Doc: Naaa, I don’t
think you can do that right now.
Me: Why, don’t you
dance?
Doc: No, you’re a
little drunk.
Me: I dance better
when I am drunk.
True story, that really happened, I guess!! It was told to me after. Katrina said I was quite animated. I should have had her video it all. I had had enough happy juice not to
remember it. I was out!
Next thing I know I am waking up and the kid is there. I said is it done already. She said, “Yup and I called everyone on the
list and updated your Facebook!” I
looked at my leg and there was a huge, black immobilizer on it and I was
confused. I said to Katrina, “What the
hell, they were only supposed to operate on my hip!” She laughed and got the nurse. The nurse came in and asked how I was and I
said awwwwwesome. I asked for coffee and
something to eat. Obviously I was ok.
She gave me 2 more Percocet and a bottle of them to take
home. Katrina had to help dress me and
then away we went. On the wheelchair ride to the truck I waved to everyone in
the surgery unit. They were all giggling. I guess I made quite an impression. Time for the drive home.
Hilarious!!!!
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